She & D Portland Crew
She & D is a group consisting primarily of queer ladies who play DnD. This quest is the first time that most of us have ever played before, so we are still figuring out the rules. When we started out our quest, we made an elaborate story involving lesbian orphans with Harry Potter-esque scars and a prophesy. Our Dungeon Master (Adam) is skilled in the art of dealing with sassy ladies who want to “roll for spooning” or “roll for blow-jobbing”.
Here’s the story so far:
A rag-tag group of orphans, we all lived with our caretaker, Exene, on the outskirts of the city. We all had identical scars like HP, and though we came from different racial backgrounds, we believed that our parents were all murdered under the same shady operation. One day, Exene sent us out on an errand, which included hanging out at a lesbian bar. We met up with Chops Fla’nel, a bartender who we brought home with us. Only Sweet Kron, our half-orc sister, stayed behind. While we were galavanting around town with Chops, Exene sent Kron to the basement and locked her in, telling her to stay put no matter what happened. Then the house burnt down. The crew dug Kron out, and so began our adventure.
We’ve since found Exene, who turned out to be an extreme disappointment as a caretaker. We gave up looking for clues to our past. Instead, we are questing it up, looking for our place in this world (cue Richard Marx).
The crew is:
Huffy Merkin: Halfling Rogue. Likes to steal “bobbles” and thinks no one else knows about her collection (we all do). Highly skilled at the arts of blow-jobbing and busking.
Chops Fla’nel: Half-elf Ranger. The older, salty lesbian of the group, we found her working at a lesbian bar and invited her along on our quest. Pretty sweet with the longbow.
Silka Sparkleshod: Elvin Cleric/Dragon Shaman. Mostly rolls 4′s. Famous for using the Rod of Wonder and nearly killing the entire crew (we have a generous DM). Silka acts as the in-house zombie turner and defibulator of the group. Though she is neutral good, she has strong morals and was the only voice of dissent when Nutsworth shot a (possibly) innocent halfling at point blank. Used to have an unrequited crush on Huffy, but is now in a committed relationship with Dwarf Lundgren.
Dwarf Lundgren: Dwarvin Druid. Has an owl wolf companion (a lesbian wolf named Wilma who loves a mock turtleneck) and has charmed an owl/bear baby friend named Tickles. Dwarf loves deep, doesn’t trust easily and still harbors resentment against Exene for abandoning us. Her astoundingly low charisma points make for hilarious quotes.
Pam and Jeff: Gnome Sorcerer. Pam sewed up the sweetest backpack ever for her animal companion, a giant goose named Jeff who pretty much carries all our shit. Insists on doing impossible feats such as freezing a room filled with water, then gnawing through it with our teeth.
Loki: Elvin Beguiler. A new member of the group, Loki is a beguiler who is quick to roll a spot check and use her spirit fingers.
Ani D. Franklin: Half-Orc Monk. Our other newest member, Franklin (played by our token male) brings the much-needed muscle to the group. She still hasn’t let us in on her back-story, but I’m assuming some bad-assery.
Nutsworth Littlebone is a Level 4 sorcerer gnome with a tweedy, bespectacled badger cohort named Professor Badgles. Before helping found the Portland She & D party, Littlebone served as foreman at the local Boner Joke Factory and Executive Director for an organization providing resources for queer gnome youth. Though her intentions are good, she’s prone to casting humorous spells with no practical application, hitting She & D with friendly fire and ignoring the bookish counsel of Professor Badgles, whom she dubs “Professor Draggles.” Small and scrappy, Littlebone likes critical hits, practical jokes, magic mouths, kettle corn, dire sharks, spooning, the outdoors and caressing silky hair. Her dislikes are odd numbers, wet socks, broken bones and perishable groceries. She may or may not be a real princess.
